Celebrating A Goal Reached

 

Discussion of topics to build awareness, increase knowledge-base, and ultimately assist in conquering the challenges of being special parents of kids with special needs, such as those with autism or adhd.

    Goals have to be set to make progress.  Without a doubt, I want my son to make progress.  But I have to admit, I have often felt hesitant to set a goal and work with him to attain it.  Much like I fear my own failure, I fear his failure.  I have been afraid to try because, 'what if we are never able to do it?'  Pitiful, I know, but honestly, the fear is real.  Fortunately, with parental shame as a catalyst along with a sense of parental responsibility that is stronger than my fear, I am able to muster up some courage to do what needs to be done.  One does not need to start with astronomical goals.  Starting with small goals is even better because they serve as stepping stones to reaching larger goals.

    One of the most recent goals I have set is to teach my son, now six years old, how to tie his shoe laces.  I had gotten too comfortable with buying shoes with velcro straps.  I would also gladly tie his shoe laces for him every time they needed to be tied. That's fine.  That's what mothers do, of course.  Yet, to do everything for him does not allow him to learn to do things for himself.  I was not giving him an opportunity to learn to do it himself, thereby, ensuring that he stays dependent on me.  

    Well, independence breeds confidence. Confidence increases a child's willingness to learn.  With willingness to learn, he will bring more effort into what he is learning.  The more effort he puts into learning, the more likely he is to succeed.  The more success he has, the happier he will be.  Clearly, for my son to be happy, he had to tie his own shoe strings. 😊😊😊

    Initially, my efforts to teach my son how to tie his shoes were stifled by his lack of focus, his unwillingness to take direction because he thought he already knew how to do it, his frustration at finding out he really didn't already know how to do it, his anger at not being able to catch on as quickly as he wanted to.  It was very obvious that I needed a different strategy, so I researched techniques that might prove helpful.  

    Thankfully, I found the most helpful suggestions, here, from Dr. Mary Barbera.  After following her suggestions, we made speedy progress.  I went out and bought an adult-size pair of shoes and different color shoe laces.  I wrote out my shoe tying steps or instructions, based on the way I tie shoe strings. I kept them as simple as possible.  

    Then, we got to work.  Within a week, my son was tying shoe strings independently.  Not only did I feel the satisfaction as a parent, I was able to witness my son's own satisfaction with himself. Reaching goals with your child is a beautiful thing.  And for those of us with children who have anything like autism or adhd, small successes are really BIG successes.

    

Practicing on adult size shoes with different color strings.  He was a bit fussy here, but the method suggested by Dr. Mary Barbera helped him grasp it faster than he would have otherwise.

Tying the shoe strings on his own shoes independently.

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